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Tuesday, October 1, 2013

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http://christinaabarrett0.hpage.com

Nah

Nah I wasn't upset for any good reason..

TV

The show was good today, I just kept thinking and pop felt like I was upset @ Ellen.  I try not to.

So.. nice people on today I think.

I had a good piano teacher.

link

Heritage

I was thinking of their daughter in New Orleans.  Maybe, me living in Florida made me more susceptible to it.  I wonder if Ellen is even more.  You know, I held onto my modern Floridian heritage..

Oh no!

Ellen DeGeneres or fans you might be interested..

http://cmfa.loyno.edu/loyola-university-mourns-loss-longtime-faculty-member-philip-frohnmeyer

The music director @ my college from 2004-5 passed away.  I liked him a lot, not sure what happened.  I know I wasn't accepted and kicked out for shyness, though he was not my teacher, someone unrelated who left, who'd lived in the panhandle or Pensacola?  An older lady.  Theresa MacRee (McRee.)  I had to audition a 2nd time just on piano.  I got the 2nd highest scholarship, so that was good.

That freaks me out.  He looks old, guessing he is 70.  Singers must die.  Let's see how Ellen does.  Johnny Depp quit.  Hm..  I was gonna retire @ 40.

I know we all thought his wife was ***y, but some people must have helped it with some extreme, not sure what that does, played a big part of my college interest.  I mean, even when I wasn't there, I thought I was in some experiment.

This guy also went to Harvard, for music!  Their singing is very serious and I suppose they are teachers not singers.  They are such good teachers..  He had a cool nasal voice.

Well, the wife was very big, tall, too, with dark hair and light skin, from Minnesota I found from my teacher.  Their daughter was thin and a bit supple, did her Masters there.  Guess she is from New Orleans.  I remember I could see through the whites of her nails from sitting in the audience during an open master class.  I coulda been a great singer, too bad.  Her singing is good and intelligent.  There was another big girl, a senior that year, smaller girl though but plump.  She made it all worth it.  I'd see her around.

...

Problems

So, no matter how good I was my mom didn't think I was cool and cute and good.

Something in my diet?  Why pose me as tacky?  Why should I be with you guys!  :0  (I still want to be with them sometimes..)

Funny

I don't mean to be rude, but it seems if Chloe Moretz wants something as a Southerner she gets it.  Who else?  (I just heard a pop..)  Nell Burton.  It's like they have to have it.  I don't think Tim Burton has ancient Southern heritage.  Like, she poses herself in the position with subtle hints to me or others.  Most people would scoff at that.  Don't think they wouldn't care.  It's cute, but I just wanted to point that out.  It makes me jealous cuz I believe rich people from the South are the best, but my relatives up north don't all come in dark hair, which seems more attractive up there.

Edit

I changed the Texas picture to just a hotel cuz my hair was shorter.

Nite

I am a bit awake.. slinks off

Parents! What's'a'matta with parents!

I mean, like my mom is jealous I'm not just a plain Asian person.  My dad thinks life is a contest and doesn't act normally.  I don't mean anything bad, just my mom seems to think that, and my dad is always testing me I feel.

What It Is

Obviously, it's just jealousy and inability to function.

Problem

What if I went through the day without saying, oh I'm sorry the people who told me they wanted to hurt someone was hurt by me when they weren't even .. and to always be checking and humbling myself.  Er, no.  I don't meditate in the dust.
Icy Elsa

Sorry

for the sorta nasty comment on something including what's precious.

Mostly

I see each episode of Ellen DeGeneres twice.

New Photos of Me From the Past on Facebook

link

Loss of Friend

Well, not really Ellen's fault?  Sad, though.

Chris mas Chris mas Time is Here

Ellen, do you know what Christmas is?  Look at a shiny object, think of the religion, and wish that object were someday a part of you.  Look at the little displays of people ice skating in the bitter cold along with loved 1s.  It's @ the prickly green pines, Charlie Brown getting his tree out in the snow and coming home to Snoopy.  Think of the Christmas songs people could sing on TV.  Think of.. the 1 time it gets cold and you have a good time where you are, maybe go home and watch cartoons..  Dress up warmly and help with the shoveling, I guess..  Warm and cozy in your room maybe with a window to look out of.

Food-
TV

Well

I am a respectable, tortured person.  Everyone is mean to me and then gets mad if I feel upset.

Maybe, I'll have more spaghetti and meatballs and another hot fudge sundae.  Watch Ellen again.  :)

I already said, the 1st semester at Loyola failed was the construction work and I had to walk for health, didn't know what to do, shoulda withdrawn by the end at least.  2nd, I heard suicidal clicks in my room and ears..  3rd I did leave and get the refund.  Also, I know at least 1 thought both other semesters were free from the hurricane.  You chose to plane me down for a holiday.  Go back to Washington D.C. and I didn't have the energy to walk for my lunch because of the experiment.  So, I couldn't fathom the simple yet backed up assignment.  What else?  Store cards, just got outta hand, figured "we'd" pay it off someday, I should..  BW, I couldn't do the history!  I can never do the history!  We never did it!  Now, I don't have hope in college but real life!  If anything!

It's even my money, too.  You didn't tell me to withdraw!  They said I could go on break, so we shouldn't even have to pay until I make lots of money then will pay back.  May use it for other things if possible, maybe not the best way.

Ugh!

Why did I get upset this time?  Wasn't too big of a thing.  No one treats me like a human, and I need people.  I'm gonna be busy soon.  Not much word on voice over.

Monday, September 30, 2013

Smarter?

Well, no, that's inappropriate.  Well, it is dumb to be mean.  And yes I don't need punishment.  I don't seem to have a rapport with anyone.

I mean, I think @ what I do and it's not mean!!!!

Notice my being a problem?  That's because I'm telling people they are mean.

Problem

You wanna make sure it's okay with my dad, just messing up my relationship doing different things in wrong ways, like maybe I can't see him if I think he did something suggestive.  You all won't GOD DAMN leave me alone!  D8  You don't even talk, and I'm smarter than you if you think you can be smarter than someone older, as well.  I need to get these people to stop following me!  Too bad @ Ellen DeGeneres.  She probably didn't know what was coming.  I'm mad @ Ginny supposedly influencing it.  It's okay but not real good, Ginny is .. if she does this stuff that's sick-o.  Who is she to control the nature of my life?  I didn't say oh do something worse.  I'm just saying "what she is."  I'm not talking to her, I'm talking like a normal person as though like I were writing in a diary.  I say what I mean, and I don't care if you misinterpret and thing I said something nasty..

But you never make sure other things are okay, have no answer.  I was just saying my dad did something suggestive, but maybe it's just doesn't matter cuz it was like the last thing.  I am ignoring lots more and more, in a way, and finding out weird things.  I just said my dad did something.  That should be okay.  I do like having a good relationship but ask him like why he doesn't find like other young boys to talk to.  He's not the weirdo like me.

Problem

Blogger won't let me edit the Text Boxes.  Stop trying to stimulate me by calling me shit!  I didn't do nothin'!  What if we took away your comforts?  What was the message from my dad for?  Stop pushing me to people in a gay way.  Did you just say no?
deviantART

Kids in School

Ellen DeGeneres posted something.  Kids in school and said they wouldn't all be there later for being bad I guess.  Kids just come on and do any ole thing, can't stop talking.  Some people won't talk to certain people.  Best to find another point in life than your private 1.

WEirdos

Wow, you people online really think you are the shit.  If you fight with me and say look I solved it I'll just say no you didn't!!

Wow,

Ellen, someone doesn't wanna talk to me anymore cuz of you.  ':|  what do you have to say @ that????

Facebook

New Album that didn't show up + added the new picture

Did you know..

..Ellen picked at me if I couldn't help a bad thought entering my mind that wasn't mine?  I just get irrational and critical of her.  It's true.  Sometimes, I used to say *beep*.

Website

link

click on The Good Life

That means..

..Ellen identifies herself by her mom with great pride.  My mom may be just as nice.

She WANTS her mom, she doesn't do anything for herself ***wise with heritage.  Her mom is too nice to her, as someone would say @ me.  Not the same reason.  Too bad I don't know where the good negatives are, may go poke around and take a long stick.  (Is that humor Ellen doesn't have?  Cuz I have more than 1 kind built up.)

Both Sides Now

a song the French-Irish singer Orla Fallon sings

Morality

Do I need to be careful what I post on Twitter to people like Chloe?  If you don't love me, I will just m.. but you know I won in the end.

Fine

Feed your kids *** and do things like this to me.

Hm..

So, I guess people from the South weren't ever modern cuz they sure as Hell ain't now.

Wow

Wow, Ellen, you're quite a bit older and sometimes have nothing cool to say.  Why would I be someone in a way I don't like from up north?  I am well-equipped with my own snow fantasies, and you "don't have" yours like you're ditzy-dizzy.

Question

Why does Chloe Moretz act like she's all mature and stuff.  She's literally the new Nell Burton, doing what's right, too.  I mean, she comes on Twitter like she's the Candy Man.  I know Ellen gave her what was mine and that's why she feels bad.  There, Ellen did something wrong, see if she stands it.  If I'm upset, she gets offended.

Twitter + Facebook

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TV

I just finished "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."  She thinks her kids down south are better than me and lies @ things possibly.  I know they are, so don't rub it in!  It does depend on who you're talking about.

I just felt so upset, and Ellen made it feel like I made her eyes go outta focus from being flustered and trying to comfort herself and make herself feel good.

You know, I find with things like this that they aren't true if they don't seem so.  I am happier with my body than others but see the application on how much better such and such is from wherever.

I didn't "have my turn."  I didn't get to pick.  They're just feeling good about not having to do some things.  Ellen DeGeneres's dad supposedly isn't from even the U.S., so how is she eligible to play, sorry to say?  It's something specific.  I do admit that she has all admirable qualities.  I have no clue what Pennsylvania isn't like, but I ain't from there.  I know I'd have a good life there, though.  As long as I don't run into too many racists.  I don't like how my dad limits my life, too.  It might be a good thing we're down south, but we're here for my mom and his sisters.  Well, because of his sisters.

You didn't really do anything, you just have ***y parents from ***y high Southern hospitaliy.  Doing something was called something you did, not something your parents did for you!  You might have noticed that feel in Hollywood, parents don't do everything for you, you remember what to do.  I was born shit, a sin, just because of the different places my parents are from and how their interests clash.  No one seemed to like me having fun, and I feel so physically dead.  I have a protein bar with caramel I wanna eat, wanted strawberry though.

I did something in the South, and it's interesting.  I don't get that *** like your southern kids so best leave me be.  I dare not touch until I see it applied to someone from up north.  That is so mean of ya'll to base this stuff on people in boring places that used to be farms up north with the Latinos who think they're in control and not Asians who go up there.  I almost think it was on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."  She has nothing to say @ the truth.  She just plays around.  So, why not talk to me, instead?  I have a reply..

I have to be nice to everyone in the end, but it's hard the extreme feelings of anger.  It's not so much what the lady did but like the lie she got told I guess.  It doesn't bother me.  Why are their kids all cute and fluffy now?  I was down south, too, and didn't hoarse shit my feelings @ them when they thought they were better!  How are they better?  I just like a little of each.  I don't have that.  So, fine, tell a mixed race person that!  I don't even admit to being mixed race!  Maybe, up north, they like dark hair and a European look.  Most of them seem to have brown hair.

My dad seems to be onto my cousin just because of the N word thing.  What do you think he will think when I'm gone?  He's jealous of her mom, his littlest sister.

Um, I got another message ruining this post.

So, ..

Back Later

Trying to roller blade.
Princess Anna

Why

do you think I would accept someone sinning against me?

Delicate

I'm already very dead.. I live in Orlando.

Another Problem

Ellen wants to stimulate herself unless I get hurt.

She won't stop.

I keep getting this.  That's what's bothering.

I already put billboards up on my websites.  I go to sleep feeling celestial and wake up and feel affected.  I had a good pattern going in posting style, and my mom's been going around the house making noises, like with her slippers, like Ellen wants to test my blogging and change it.  That's sick.  It's sick you'd do that.  It's not impossible, when people keep bothering you.

OK

Ellen, I just said I was sorry and you used it against me.  I am worried how my Gramma will treat me when we go up north.  That sounds smart, except it's highly insulting to me if I just said sorry and it's not @ something else.  That makes no sense.  What tipped the boat for me was I didn't wanna post @ it, I think that's my problem now, I wasn't @ my computer.  You're just trying to feel safe around people when you will never really get to them all!

Problem

I got another message from Ellen via my mom, who said she doesn't talk to her.  Anyway, it made me mad, at Ellen.

Question

Do you think Ellen DeGeneres is *mean to me cuz she is?  I thought I wouldn't get that.  I feel she wants it and then makes us feel sorry for her for getting mad @ it.

*I mean, you could say she punishes us by being mean.  We all know that.

What do you think @ the validity of it if she uses it to get something for herself, attention, like bribing your hard-to-please friend or family member?  She's not really a family member, seems pretty secluded, which seems to just be something she does.  It seems like she sees Portia a lot, but I dunno.  I Wonder if Portia even got out some.  She might have some old friends in Australia.  She does seem a bit hard, like hard on you.  I also got drift like if you wanted to talk to her she'd want Ellen and believes that's what only she deserves.  The only reason is because Ellen is gay and believes in the "marriage" of 1.  I mean, Ellen will always put Portia ahead of you - is what that means.  I am not sure if couples today are like that.  I see them grow close, the people on her show.  Ellen must notice this.  Why to begin with would you commit to any person like that other than to create a family?  I guess hers is Portia, who is more rough and tough.  Please don't take it the wrong way.

So SORRY

I said I thought something tacky..  let's see oh my my head it's so bulbous.  What it was wasn't "a person."  It was something online.

This was awhile ago and I apologized but not too long ago.

Excuses, Excuses

Like, I go to the music store and see guitar people and stuff.  Supposedly, no one ***y is really there for me ^because of my race^ which is not allowed when it becomes a problem when none existed previously.  So, the fact I'm not ^just^ a guitarist is connected to me not being treated right because of my race?  I was upset @ Baby Boomers for being suggestive to me, but it's like they're the Tin Man in The Wizard of Oz, hollow and an act.  I was thinking oh but they say to others yes I'm there for you still, but like I'm grown up and they're still looking at what they do, supposedly not as good as I have it, like a ballerina compared to a modern dancer.

Saving for More in Store

I think my teacher Ginny went through and figured I wasn't really perfect nor had a perfect life and just took out all of my life, like the things that mattered to me here, in a way.  Lots of people feel that way.  The excuse exists.  She thinks oh well it'll go away, anyway.  I just looked up to her and she must have been really hysterical to do a think like that.  I mean, the kids also agreed it was weird I dressed up and brought lots of stuff to get ready with, just my makeup and hair things.  I would blow dry and straighten it and even wave it.  I keep running into this stuff.  I thought she took away how I talked online and joked that it was something that didn't matter or that would change anyway or is another way of looking at things.  I did slow down even when I watched Ellen DeGeneres.

Think Happy Thoughts

What is granted an okay thing to talk @, for I fear the weather and your health alone do not strike of any interest.  Health insists that something is "not healthy."  The weather even is controversial and seemingly meaningless.  I talk @ things like movies that come out I guess, cool stuff.  I like to know @ different countries and their old costumes and traditional food.  I like to know about people's relationships.  I am so very interested in the ballet.  I myself am something of a singer.  I am trying to get in Finding Dory with Ellen DeGeneres doing voice over.  I hope I get a response tomorrow about 1 of the many agents that supposedly reside here in Orlando.  You could talk @ hair color, but some people just aren't interested anymore.  I did have white hair at 1 time, myself.  I don't know what to say to someone who's had it longer.  It's not really stimulating, but you can still be stimulated.  Sometimes, people joke that someone famous is sitting there preaching for the ride, which may sound like a grotesque thing to say, but I couldn't think of how to say it.  I was gonna add something, but I couldn't.  Preaching for the ride is a nice way to say.  Like, the pleasure, the ***, the money, the greed.

How do you feel about this woman?

How do you feel @ Ellen DeGeneres.  I just found out that there are different ways of having a point in your life.  1 thing is that you hope if you meet someone like her or even Tim Burton that you [begin to] realize wow I wish that were my mom or even wife, dad or husband.  Most people see it as some extreme sort of soulmate, that all dreams will come true in private and public.

The other way would be more along the lines of - well, I honestly forget - a milder form of what I just described..

A 3rd way I thought of was my way and it means like maybe things weren't really meant to be.  I mean, you can find Tim Burton directing his movies.  You can get on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" and you can track her on Finding Nemo.


Let me tell you what I did.  I knew Tim Burton was open to whatever you want.  So, then I started following the erratic Ellen DeGeneres and knew there'd be relatinship.  I may be more infamous that famous, but I did hope to become a celebrity.  Now, I want a show like Ellen, my own idea.  We're putting brick wallpaper on 1 side of my room, getting a black futon, getting a black rug, and filming it.  I'll get dressed in a long buttoned black leather jacket and use my old camera.

It may sound like I'm using them, but I'm not.

My hopes is that I do something as though I don't expect my life to change, was going to be a big change by being an actor, like Keira Knightley.  I know people expect someone like Johnny Depp to have promised to come rescue them.  I posted online and people used to impersonate him for me.  I do wish people would comment on my blog like on Lily Rose's.  I really like my online talking.  I'm not sure what else I'll do to get in Hollywood with the likes of Ellen DeGeneres!  I mean, she's got it so good.  How could she have planned to be a talk show host when she was 18?  I know she did comedy and finally lost the weight.  It seems she's been active since early on, though, someday I'll make myself look.  I don't see why I'm too late to do anything, really, unless it's being a psychiatrist.  I mean, with doing the talk show in my house, I wonder how things could improve.  I don't know how to make big money to pay people to have me interview them, like put a screen by the futon.  I can read messages people give me and repost an answer, for that.  I'll need a special YouTube account for my talk show!  There has to be some way for me to make it.  I mean, I did what I was supposed to and am molded as a performer and artist and even entertainer.  I took a break to improve my health, just as I needed.  I got into some trouble, but I'm still making it.  I took that break because of Tim Burton and Johnny Depp and the likes of that break went to them.  The schools all hinted for me to break.  I just knew staying on track in school was right.  The music gave me an outlet, but now I have no outlet.  I found it wasn't all it was cracked up to be, 1 year over new year started no clue what to do.  I don't think I need to go to college.  I have to work to become attractive and comfortable as a talk show host.  What I was gonna do was even better maybe model and act, so this is like an easier thing to commit to.  I already wondered how people got it together.  I can have a flexible internet show, but the question is would I need a way to make money otherwise, well yea.  What?

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